Wow.. I haven't posted in a while! Probably because over the past several days, I have become insanely overwhelmed with the reality to this whole motherhood thing! This may be so silly, but I just saw the new pampers commercial and new mothers and just started crying! The words are SO true and it made me feel like the feelings I've been having are completely normal.
Here are the words for those who have not seen it:
Welcome to Motherhood
It’s the start of a new chapter for your family.
You’ll have your baby in your arms and think,
just a few days ago you were inside of me.
This world will be different than your moms
But you’ll want to ask her about everything
And everything you used to do with 2 hands
You’ll now do with one.
You’ll take a millions photos of the same thing,
And want to show them to everyone.
Sometimes you’ll beg for silence.
But then you’ll worry when its quiet.
Sometimes you will ask, “what did I do?”
But more times you’ll think, “Wow!, look what I’ve done!”
And you will wonder if there is a new mom out there going through the exact same thing!
I can't begin to tell you how comforting these words are! Laine has been going through a spell where ALL she does is cry. She is fed, clothed, changed, warm, and SHOULD be happy.. but she's not. I have always been that person who cringes at the sound of an infant crying and I thought, at first, that since she was mine it would be ok.. thought wrong! There are MANY moments throughout the day when I think that I'm going to loose it. I truly have to put her in her room, shut the door, and walk away to collect myself. Sometimes it takes five minutes.. sometimes it takes an hour. It leaves me feeling bad for reacting the way I do because I know that she can't help it.. she's a baby! And I feel bad because I can't figure out what is wrong.. However, in the moment, I don't know what else to do.
The line above about asking "what did I do".. I ask myself that EVERY day, a million times a day!!! But then, there really are those moments where I catch myself thinking "Wow! Look at what I've done!" I am incredibly blessed to have Laine in my life. No, she wasn't a planned baby, but I believe everything happens for a reason. God decided that he was going to send her to me to teach me lessons! The first one I've stated before, and that is definitely that life will not go according to my plan, but according to His! I've very recently come to learn that the second lesson I believe is patience!! I'm still working on that one.. as I write actually! She's been screaming for the past hour and a half. WHEW!
As horrible as this post sounds, I do hope that everyone realizes that this is my way of dealing with these frustrations. I love my daughter more than anything else in this world and nothing.. not even her screaming at me, making me feel like she doesn't care for me much and that I have no idea what I'm doing.. will ever change that! This time in my life is nothing but a learning process and while I may not enjoy every moment.. I know that I am lucky and extremely blessed for everything and everyone in my life!
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